Oh, all because you say. Does she take my place? Does she do "everything" I should of done in the first place? Is my time up to go back and erase my mistakes? But my mistakes translate into your ignorant, arragant, tactless I won't hold my breath. I don't see how i'm to blame. And my eyes are open, can yours see in the dark you sit in? All according to you, i'm letting our world crash. You think I did everything I shouldn't have. I'll obviously never here a sorry or an apology. And the cracks i've tried so hard to fill in, only seem to widen. I won't say my time was wasted. But the life you live is far from shameless. Still i'll wonder where things went awry. You never seem to give me a reason why.
How would it make you feel if I got up and left? No reasons, no answers; just go up and left? You never listened to me, I just pushed you on ahead You chose to fall behind and forgot me instead
And though my heart is happy this soul remains empty I made it in my head that you understood me But you just filled my void and became a lie I became an actor and was the only one to try
Now this bough breaks, and i've fallen face first Please just keep walking as I continue to hurt Whoever said heartbreak is always the worst And still my heart is happy but this soul remains empty
#$ #&@ &%$..... ! $%&# @ %$!#$%
I never expected to lose more than love But you proved me wrong, love never felt this way I've climbed these walls and yet I am here, lonely I lay on this floor as you pass by me I don't understand why I fought for your lies
Now this bough breaks, and i've fallen face first Please just keep walking as I continue to hurt Whoever said heartbreak is always the worst And still my heart is happy but this soul remains empty
Lemons are sweet as honey. Usually life is fair. Purple's the shade of money, and Jesus doesn't care. Hummingbirds can't fly backwards. Lovers don't say goodbye. Saturn has seven rings, and I have never told a lie.
I don't walk these halls And I don't climb these walls every night And I don't cry And even though i'm waiting by the phone I don't want you to call I don't miss you at all
I'm really not that lonely. You rarely cross my mind And when I hear your name, it doesn't cut me like a knife
I don't walk these halls And I don't climb these walls every night And I don't cry And even though i'm waiting by the phone I don't want you to call I don't miss you at all
This is how I keep my sanity This is what I need you to believe
any one want to write music with me? cause its settled... i am going to be a music producer, singer, songwriter, A&R rep. and i am going to love every minute of it. its my love and its what i want. so when you see me, make me sing to you, make me play guitar for you, make me write you a poem or song... i need practice and i need confidence... and i need YOUR help. i can't do this ALL by myself.
i am in a great mood. but i missed clare at school and i barely talked to lakota on saturday. when we see each other its brief and fun but we never get to talk about stupid things like boys, kissing, life, music anymore. i miss the summer i used to write her emails like everyday. oh dear, that must of been annoying for her. but she always wrote back :]
oh no, i just keep on falling (back to the same old) and where's hope, when misery comes callin (oh oh something goes here) with your fate, you'll trigger a landslide (something goes here) and kill off this common sense of mind
it takes aquiared minds, to taste to taste to taste this wine down it with your eyes so we don't need the headlines (we don't need the headlines)
*phat guitar riff*
everybody sing like it's the last song you will ever sing (tell me tell me do you feel the pressure now) everybody live, like it's the last day you will ever see (tell me tell me do you feel the pressure now)
right now, you're the only reason (not letting go oh!) find out not everyone's worth pleasing (wahha?) you'll trigger a landslide to kill off this chronic state of mind?
it takes aquiared minds, to taste to taste to taste this wine down it with your eyes so we meet make the headlines (no we don't need your headlines!) [cause we just want?]
everybody sing like it's the last song you will ever sing (tell me tell me do you feel the pressure now) everybody live, like it's the last day you will ever see (tell me tell me do you feel the pressure now)
everybody sing like it's the last song you will ever sing (tell me tell me do you feel the pressure...)
*phat guitar, again*
alright so you think you're ready okay then you say this with me, go: we were born for this (we were born for this) alright so you think you're ready okay then you say this with me, go: we were born for this (we were born for this) we were born for this (we were born for this) we were born for. we were born for
everybody sing like it's the last song you will ever sing (tell me tell me can you feel the pressure now) everybody live, like it's the last day you will ever see (tell me tell me can you feel the pressure now)
everybody sing (tell me tell me can you feel the pressure, tell me tell me can you feel the pressure) we were born for this we were born for this
i want my hair cut sooo bad. but i want opinions. so everyone... comment or send me some pretty rad and crazy hair cuts. more punky you know?! so go on! START SENDING IN! :]
So. I think I'll start with my past week. I didnt have any dance. Thank you, Lord!! I had two vocal lessons, WOOTWOOT! They were hard but I made it! This leads to last night....
Kathryn picked me up and we went to Logans for Andrew's surprise birthday party. When he walked in he didnt even look surprised. His grandparents had told him we were coming on the way to the restaurant. I was kinda pissed but still so excited to see my new friend!! We sat next to each other and laughed SO hard. And when Ray said the grace before we ate, he grabbed my hand and we laced fingers. I thought that was a bit out of the ordinary :]
We took pictures as you can see in my last post! Anyways. He took a picture of his crotch, just for me! WOOHOO! And then after eating we went back to the church (there was no one there so we hang out in the back) and had cake and opened presents. By the way, I had gotten him green plaid boxers. Its a joke and long story. So he loved them and even put them on. Once at church he instantly took it upon himself to run and get on my back. Since he is like 6 feet tall he just stepped up onto me and i also put him on my shoulders one time! hahaha! It was hilarious. He gave me piggy back rides but i kept like humping him. We laughed so hard. He took me into the boys bathroom and I broght him into the girls. We tradded pants because i loved his skinny jean corduroys! YAY! He looked so cute in my pants They fit his butt sooooo well. Ah-mazing.
Then we had some butt-tag and we headbanged to Underoath and FF5. It was heavenly. He also jumped over my head and sometimes his crotch definitely grazed my whole head to the point where i almost fell over. It was reallyreally priceless!
Basically, my night was amazing and I slept over Kathryn's house afterward. We watched Step-up, it was really good. And then it was bedtime.
I feel stuffy today. Thats really why i got up at 9:30 this morning. I got dressed and headed over to Clare's house to give her my christmas gift for her and to have a little luncheon. It was fun. Alissa was there too. Steph's dad had to work and Britt had appointments so they couldn't come. It was no biggie cause it was just a little fun thing. We took tons of pics. I plan on putting them up like tomorrow. Clare loved her gift, atleast i think she did. haha. I loved it, lol!
Anyways. Tomorrow I plan on going shopping. I atleast need to get Katie and Lakota's gift. Thats my foremost plan. If I have any money left than I am gonna grab Kathryn's gift too. Britt said she was going to the mall tomorrow also so I might catch up with her and help her get Alissa's gift.
Friday I am going to Ashleys for our "annual" Christmas party. Its going to be 3 years running this friday, i'm pretty stoked. And then Thursday, tomorrow, night my family is going to a Christmas party for some family friends of ours. Thats pretty fun, I guess. Last year it was awkward. I'm hoping the kids will be more open and not so shy, that always sucks. Its only like 30 minutes before we leave when the kids finally open up and we start having fun, Geez.
Well, i'm gonna try to sleep cause it seems that my new allergies are kickin tonight, grody! So leave comments and God bless you!
Tomorrow I have a biology exam and then i am sticking around till like 12 to study then off home to die. Then friday I have a French exam at like 9-ish so thats not too bad.
Anyways, Christmas is almost here and I am soooo excited. Really, I am! Olivia said she was gonna have a little Christmas party which makes me really excited, you have no idea, lol! I love little get togethers and partys, especially for christmas.
And then! I used to listen to this intro ALL the time and i always sang it at the top of my lungs in the shower. And it might maybe become a new song on the new paramore album, that would be my dream! this is it------>
so this gets me to where I am at now, i haven't sung in like two weeks. it makes me really depressed, like not many people can relate. it sucks so bad. i wish i could sing and just be me again. why does everything get so good and then just slowly fall out from under me. geez. and i can't even write music well, i suck. why can't i be a good writer, all these people love writing poetry and music but i suck so bad. i try to do something metaphorical and it comes out gay and froufrou shizz! i hate it. then i try writing something relateable and understandble to all these kids around my age, but no! I SUCK AT WRITING, I CANT SING, AND I AM UGLY!
atleast i can eat and sleep, kinda. i don't know, i am just really frustrated. like i don't know what i want with my life anymore. at all. i used to be so sure of my life and now i don't know anything.
creative
crazy
full
enraged